#Elvis

I have recently taken a break from dating.  It wasn't a planned break, it just happened.  Thinking back, I realize what might have ignited the pause.

I was ghosted by Elvis.  Yes, Elvis.  

#Elvis

My bucket list is a pretty typical list.  

-See Jason Bateman's bare ass (Done!!!!  Thanks, Ozark!)
-Live on a goat farm but not actually touch or interact with the goats
-Memorize all the words to Romy and Michele's High School Reunion
-Play Kelly Kapowski in a Saved by the Bell Reboot
-Work for TMZ
-Go on a date with an Elvis Impersonator

#Elvis reached out to me on a dating site.  I was hesitant at first and didn't respond to the initial request.  But I quickly realized that chatting with an Elvis Impersonator might be cool.  Maybe even bucket list worthy.  Turns out, I was correct!!!  Slap that on the list!!!

I had a million questions for Elvis and he was completely open.  

Do you have the suits?  Yes!  
Do you drive a pink Cadillac??  Yes (for work anyway)!  
Do you work at a chapel??  Yes!  
Do you offer private Elvis events?  Yes!  
Do you sing?  Yes! 
Do you talk like Elvis during sex???  
What's the strangest thing someone has asked you to do while dressed as Elvis? 
(Notice I conveniently omitted the responses to the last two!)

It turns out an Elvis Impersonator is actually called an Elvis Tribute Artist.  This town is full of them!  But it's not limited to a Las Vegas treat.  They are all over!!!  

Elvis invited me out for crabs.  I was noncommittal at that moment (Let's be honest, if you have ever eaten crabs with me you will understand my lack of response/hesitation.  My elote eating disaster is nothing compared to my mad crabbing skills.  The last time I went, I spilled two cups of hot butter and candle wax on myself and the person sitting next to me.)  We left it off that I would get back to him.  

Then....GONE!  Vanished!!!!  His account was completely deactivated!

I was ghosted by #Elvis!!!!!!  It's a first for me.  I had to share this with Elexia and Sierra.  Sierra's response???  "Fucking blue suede shoe wearing pompadour sporting douche can!"

Elexia (who is not a fan of impersonators/tribute artists) told me to light a candle and be thankful he moved on.  

Several days later, #Elvis reached back out under a new name.  I ignored him.  Afterall, I had already lit the candle.  My Elvis days were done.

I realize I was so close to completing my (recently added) bucket list item.  I think I stopped dating for a while because, at the end of the day, once you have been ghosted by #Elvis, there is nowhere to go from there.

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