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​#TheFelon

4/4/2017

4 Comments

 
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​#TheFelon

I met The Felon at an awards show.  Sin City Bounty was hosting an event and we were also up for an award.  It had been a bit of a stressful weekend and I just finished a day full of interviewing.  I was rocking a hot, red dress to an after party and this is where I bumped into a former acquaintance (who happened to be friends with The Felon).  I had originally met the friend years prior (and among my circle, this friend is referred to #ParkingLotHandjob for reasons I will explain at a later time...maybe.)  #PLHJ introduced me to his friend and we spend the entire evening talking. 
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We were asking each other random questions. 

Me- Have you ever been to jail?
Him- Which time?
Me- Swoosh (that's the sound of my panties needing to be thrown away in the restroom)

At that moment, #TheFelon was derived.  For the record, I'm pretty sure he was kidding.  I thought it was hot.  I took a chance that it was a joke and I wouldn't end up in his trunk before the right was over.

Our first date was at a Mexican food restaurant.  This is where I quickly learned my next lesson.
Life Lesson #3
​Do not order Elote on a date!!!
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I look like the Cookie Monster going to town on some cookies when I eat Mexican corn on the cob.  Like seriously...the corn flies everywhere, lime juice drips down my arm, I blind someone with chile power which projected from my mouth...  It's just NOT pretty.  There is nothing remotely sexy about this look.  Exactly what you want on a first date!  Luckily, #TheFelon was able to see past my corn debacle with a solid promise that I would avoid this food on all future dates.  

In addition to being my first actual date(s) since the Spice Girls were popular, I also experienced my first walk of shame.  You know the walk, ladies.  I took the whole "cute, messy hair with shoes in hand" march to an entirely different level.  We were both attending another event which ended with a pool party.  So my night ended with me, a pair of shoes and a bikini.

No ID, no phone, no room key.  After a few deep breaths, my ass pranced up to the front desk as 6 AM (in nothing but a bikini, flip flops and some serious raccoon eyes with the remnants of last night's makeup) and had to ask for an escort to my room so I could produce an ID upon entry.
Life Lesson #4
​The "walk of shame" is just a phrase.  There's nothing shameful about getting laid.  High five everyone you pass by.  Give the knowing nod.  Do the fake finger gun, mouth click if needed.  Just try to do it fully clothed and not in a hotel lobby while wearing a bikini.
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​#TheFelon and I are still friends.  He's a great guy who actually has no clue about his nickname.  I know he will read this and, possibly, at first wonder if I'm referring to him. He will know for sure once he gets to the Elote part.  No one can forget being blinded by corn.

xo T
4 Comments
Laurie
4/4/2017 07:08:52 pm

I love your stories. I'm so glad you are writing!

Reply
Fern
4/4/2017 08:13:26 pm

I absolutely love that you are doing this.
I look forward to reading more.

Reply
Jessika Vegas
4/5/2017 05:42:11 pm

OMG Totally loved this story! Had me cracking up!!!

Reply
Kelly Rebello
4/5/2017 06:36:49 pm

Awesome story! I really enjoyed hearing it and relating to your life experience.

Reply



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    Toxi's Blog

    Toxi

    I woke up one day and the reality of being almost 40 and newly single hit me.  I had been married over 15 years and was definitely out of practice (Unfortunately my fantasies of a Mark Paul Gosselaar fling didn't count as dating).  The thought of dating was both scary and exciting.  My ultimate goal was to meet new people and not end up being the subject of a Lifetime movie about encountering your killer on Craigslist.  At this moment my personal life lessons were born. 

    Life Lesson #1- Be cautious enough to avoid becoming the subject of a Lifetime movie.  

    Although this lesson is learning in progress, I've done pretty well thus far.

    I'm super cautious, overly to an extent.  But I'll discuss it throughout this blog.  Despite my hesitations, I have enjoyed dating.  I'm typically a private person when it comes to this subject.  I speak in generalities on our show unless I have a guy's permission prior.  This has made things interesting.  I find there are two very defined sides and no middle ground.  There are guys who ABSOLUTELY do not want to be referred to on the show and others who ask immediately if I plan to talk about them.  I'm pretty sure this blog will not alleviate any concerns for those who have who are worried.  I will continue, as always, to keep names private.

    So I have these great dating stories which I don't share on air and now it's time. 

    Life Lesson #2- The best stories need to be shared.  
    ​Let people learn from you and take the opportunity to learn from yourself.  Share in your joy, share in your pain...just share.

    This philosophy was how our show came about.  The original hosts had some amazing dating stories.  When I first joined I was the married one.  My fun stories involved jaeger, my ex leaving the toilet seat up and failed threesomes.

    Now is my chance to catch up.  Enjoy!

    xo T

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