#TheFelon
I met The Felon at an awards show. Sin City Bounty was hosting an event and we were also up for an award. It had been a bit of a stressful weekend and I just finished a day full of interviewing. I was rocking a hot, red dress to an after party and this is where I bumped into a former acquaintance (who happened to be friends with The Felon). I had originally met the friend years prior (and among my circle, this friend is referred to #ParkingLotHandjob for reasons I will explain at a later time...maybe.) #PLHJ introduced me to his friend and we spend the entire evening talking.
I met The Felon at an awards show. Sin City Bounty was hosting an event and we were also up for an award. It had been a bit of a stressful weekend and I just finished a day full of interviewing. I was rocking a hot, red dress to an after party and this is where I bumped into a former acquaintance (who happened to be friends with The Felon). I had originally met the friend years prior (and among my circle, this friend is referred to #ParkingLotHandjob for reasons I will explain at a later time...maybe.) #PLHJ introduced me to his friend and we spend the entire evening talking.
We were asking each other random questions.
Me- Have you ever been to jail?
Him- Which time?
Me- Swoosh (that's the sound of my panties needing to be thrown away in the restroom)
At that moment, #TheFelon was derived. For the record, I'm pretty sure he was kidding. I thought it was hot. I took a chance that it was a joke and I wouldn't end up in his trunk before the right was over.
Our first date was at a Mexican food restaurant. This is where I quickly learned my next lesson.
Me- Have you ever been to jail?
Him- Which time?
Me- Swoosh (that's the sound of my panties needing to be thrown away in the restroom)
At that moment, #TheFelon was derived. For the record, I'm pretty sure he was kidding. I thought it was hot. I took a chance that it was a joke and I wouldn't end up in his trunk before the right was over.
Our first date was at a Mexican food restaurant. This is where I quickly learned my next lesson.
Life Lesson #3
Do not order Elote on a date!!!
I look like the Cookie Monster going to town on some cookies when I eat Mexican corn on the cob. Like seriously...the corn flies everywhere, lime juice drips down my arm, I blind someone with chile power which projected from my mouth... It's just NOT pretty. There is nothing remotely sexy about this look. Exactly what you want on a first date! Luckily, #TheFelon was able to see past my corn debacle with a solid promise that I would avoid this food on all future dates.
In addition to being my first actual date(s) since the Spice Girls were popular, I also experienced my first walk of shame. You know the walk, ladies. I took the whole "cute, messy hair with shoes in hand" march to an entirely different level. We were both attending another event which ended with a pool party. So my night ended with me, a pair of shoes and a bikini.
No ID, no phone, no room key. After a few deep breaths, my ass pranced up to the front desk as 6 AM (in nothing but a bikini, flip flops and some serious raccoon eyes with the remnants of last night's makeup) and had to ask for an escort to my room so I could produce an ID upon entry.
In addition to being my first actual date(s) since the Spice Girls were popular, I also experienced my first walk of shame. You know the walk, ladies. I took the whole "cute, messy hair with shoes in hand" march to an entirely different level. We were both attending another event which ended with a pool party. So my night ended with me, a pair of shoes and a bikini.
No ID, no phone, no room key. After a few deep breaths, my ass pranced up to the front desk as 6 AM (in nothing but a bikini, flip flops and some serious raccoon eyes with the remnants of last night's makeup) and had to ask for an escort to my room so I could produce an ID upon entry.
Life Lesson #4
The "walk of shame" is just a phrase. There's nothing shameful about getting laid. High five everyone you pass by. Give the knowing nod. Do the fake finger gun, mouth click if needed. Just try to do it fully clothed and not in a hotel lobby while wearing a bikini.
 | #TheFelon and I are still friends. He's a great guy who actually has no clue about his nickname. I know he will read this and, possibly, at first wonder if I'm referring to him. He will know for sure once he gets to the Elote part. No one can forget being blinded by corn. xo T |
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